GRAFFİTİ DUVAR YAZILARI

[brk-graffiti(king wrıter)]

BLACK HUMOUR
Kara Mizah
These graffiti are fairly self-explanatory; I will not spoil your enjoyment of them by offering superfluous notes...
Bu "duvar yazıları" oldukça kolay anlaşılıyor; gereksiz açıklamalar vererek keyifle okumanıza engel olmayacağım... Bir iki yer dışında...
Inscription on a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK, AND YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME!" Size söyledim: Hastaydım yahu! İnanmadınız bana! Bir mezartaşı üzerindeki yazı...
God is dead. -- signed, Nietzsche!
Nietzsche is dead. -- signed, God!
If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try a different position.
a pain in the ass = kıçta bir sızı... [Normalde, "cansıkıcı bir kimse//durum demektir; ama konu seks olunca...]
The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT!?"
Sevgiliniz, "I'm pregnant." (= Hamileyim) demiş... "Nesin, nesin?!"
Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes.
Yada, tersine: Hiç farketmez; herzaman tersinedir, işte o kadar!
Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them!
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. Never hit a man with glasses. = 1. Gözlüklü bir adama asla vurmayın... 2. Bir adama asla gözlükle vurmayın (basketbol sopası ile vurun)...
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
insanity = delilik... Delilikten muzdarip değilim; her saniyesinden müthiş keyif alıyorum. ["Minute = saniye midir?" deyip, Türkçe'deki alışılmış ifadeye limon sıkmayınız lütfen.]
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" ...until you can find a rock.
If rabbits' feet were so lucky, what happened to the rabbits?
Madem tavşan ayağı bu derece uğurluydu, tavşanlara ne oldu peki?
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
out to get you = icabına bakmak için peşindeler...
I have a drinking problem, I can't afford it.
Evet, bir içki sorunum var; içkiye param yetmiyor !!
While money can't buy love, It can buy a damn good imitation.
Solution to two of the world's major problems: Feed the unemployed to the hungry...
Dünyanın iki büyük sorununa çözüm: İşsizleri açlara yediriverin...
DADDY: "Son, I just want you to know: life is a black, sucking, vortex of anguish and despair, filled with brief moments of false hope and empty joy, all the while dragging you inevitably closer to final, absolute, and eternal death."
SON: "Thanks dad.."
You don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps.
Beware of the dog. He is very sarcastic.
Köpeğe aman dikkat. Çok alaycıdır ha!
Support wild life -- vote for an orgy!
wild life = 1. yaban hayatı; 2. çılgın yaşam... orgy = cinselliğin önplana çıktığı coşkulu eğlence...
We are the people our parents warned us about.
For those who think life's a joke - just think of the punchline!
["punchline" ile yaşamı sonlandıran ÖLÜM kastediliyor...]
Here I sit all broken-hearted, paid 10p and only farted.
-- Toilet graffiti
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Bugün bugüne değin olan hayatınızın son günüdür.
The bureaucracy expands to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
[to soar = yükseklerde süzülmek, hızla yükselmek... weasel = sansargillerden... İngilizce'de olumsuz nüansla kullanılan pek az hayvan adından biri...]
Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100% fatal.
WOW !! Yaşam cinsel yoldan bulaşan bir hastalıktır ve %100 ölümcüldür !!
Everyone is avoiding me except all those who are following me -- signed Paranoid.
Peşimde olan kimselerin dışında kalan herkes benden kaçınıyor. -- imza: Paranoid.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he will spend all day in a boat drinking beer.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
When money talks, nobody pays any attention to the grammar.


PREGNANCY QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Gebeliğe İlişkin Sorular & Yanıtlar
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
after 35 = 1. otuzbeş yaşından sonra; 2. 35 (bebek) den sonra...
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
move = 1. bebeğin hareket etmesi; 2. Üniversiteyi bitirdikten sonra çocuğun evden ayrılması...

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
to determine = saptamak... DİKKAT: Okunuşu: /di-tö:-min/... Asla "ditör-mayn" şeklinde söylemeyıniz...

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
labour = doğum sancısı... in the same way that = tıpkı... air current = esinti, hava akımı...

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
delivery room = doğum odası... alimony /æ-limıni/ = nafaka...

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
to recover = iyileşmek, kendine gelmek, eski haline dönmek...

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
diaper = çocuk bezi... Soru: "Bir bebek duşumuz olmak zorunda mı?" Mecazi olarak alternatif çeviri: Bebek üstüme başıma sallayıverir mi? Yanıt: Bezini çabucak değiştirirseniz hayır...

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Duvar Gazetesi:

THE GREATEST LIES OF ALL TIMES
Tüm Zamanların En Büyük Yalanları...
I love you...
This won't hurt a bit... Hiç acıtmayacak...
The check is in the mail... Çekiniz postada...
I was just going to call you... Ben de şimdi seni arayacaktım...
Of course I'll respect you in the morning... Tabii ki yarın sabah da sana olan saygımı yiitirmemiş olacağım...
I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you... Devleti temsil ediyorum ve size yardımcı olmak üzere buradayım... [Tabiatıyla, "government" karşılığı "hükûmet" tir. Ancak burada sözü edilen, siyasi iktidar değil, devlet mekanizmasıdır.]

Duvar Gazetesi:

THE "TWO-COW EXPLANATION" OF WHAT MAKES A " ....... " !!
A TRUE BELIEVER: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbour.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
A REPUBLICAN (USA): You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
so what? = Eee, ne çıkar bundan? N'olmuş yani!!
A DEMOCRAT (USA): You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbour. You feel righteous.
feel righteous = Doğru ve ahlaklı birşey yapmış hissedersiniz kendinizi...
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
to seize /Sİ:Z/ = El koymak, gasp etmek...
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
the underground = (burada) yeraltı direniş hareketi...
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
herd /HÖ/ = Büyükbaş hayvan sürüsü... (Küçükbaş hayvan sürüsü için = flock)
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
corporation = şirket...
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow = normal bir ineğin on katı küçüklüğünde...
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
to break for lunch = öğle yemeği tatili vermek...
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
to take a nap = (kısa bir) uyku çekmek, şekerleme yaapmak...
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.
to charge for storing = depolama karşılığı para almak...
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1,000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
bankruptcy = iflas...
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
to worship = tapmak, tapınmak...
A TALIBAN: You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.
infidel = dinsiz, kafir, gavur...


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN !!

[There are many variations of the following theme circulating on the Internet, but I think this one tops them all... As usual with all the best stuff I receive from friends, this was sent to me by Cathy...]
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.
["bush" sözcüğü argoda "pubic hair" için sık kullanılan bir sözcük...]
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
convinced of = kesin inanıyor, hakkında kesin kanaat sahibi...
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
[is haunted by etc. = (burada) geçmiş hatalarının pişmanlığını yaşıyor: "hatıralar onu bir heyula kılığında sık sık ziyaret ediyor" kavramından...]
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
[to patrol = devriye çıkarmak veya gezmek... unpatrolled = "devriye çıkarılmıyor" korunmasız, yabancılara karşı engelleyici tedbir yok: "yolgeçen hanı"...]
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future.
Alas! = Heyhat!
After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.


AND, THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN !!

Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe -- ruled by a dick.
dick = (argo, kaba) erkeklik aleti...



Gems on Henpecked Husbands
Kılıbık Kocalar Üstüne Mücevher Sözler

01 -- He wears the trousers in the house -- under his apron.
= Evde "pantolonu giyen" odur -- ama, mutfak önlüğünün altında... Sözcük oyunu: "to wear the trousers in the house" = evde borusu öten kişi olmak... ABD: "to wear the pants".

02 -- He always has the last word – he says, “I apologize”.
= Son sözü herzaman o söyler: "Özür dilerim."

03 -- The only time he opens his mouth is to ask her for the apron and the vacuum cleaner.
= Ağzını açabildiği tek zaman mutfak önlüğü ve elektrik süpürgesini istemek içindir.

04 -- He put a ring on her finger and she put one through his nose.
= O halkayı karısının parmağına taktı; karısı da onun burnuna.

05 -- She does not have to raise the roof, all she has to do is raise an eyebrow.
= "Tavanı kaldırması" gerekmiyor; bir kaşını kaldırması yeterli. Sözcük oyunu: "to raise the roof" = (burada, "bağırıp çağırmak / kıyameti koparmak") [Genelde, "coşkulu eğlence, alkış, tepinme ve şarkı söyleme" anlamında kullanılır: The minute she sang the first few notes of her latest hit the audience raised the roof. [Son çıkan hit şarkısının daha ilk notalarını söyler söylemez...]

06 -- He married her for her looks, but not the kind he’s getting now.
= Fizik görüntüsü, güzelliği için evlenmişti onunla; şimdiki (ters) bakışları için değil. "Looks" üstüne sözcük oyunu.

07 -- Every once in a while she comes to him on her bended knees. She dares him to come out from under the bed.
= Arada bir karısı dizleri üstünde ona gelir yaklaşır; "Sıkıysa yatağın altından çık bakalım," demek için.

08 -- He has to hold his pay envelope up to the light, to see if he got a raise.
= Zam almış mı almamış mı görebilmek için maaş zarfını ışığa kaldırıp tutmak zorunda. (Çünkü zarfı, eve gidince, karısı açacak.)

09 -- He even has to ask permission to ask permission.
= İzin istemek için bile izin istemek zorunda.

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